Can you feel the love tonight?
by Maryland Rose
Summary: Julian doubts himself and may fall prey to self-hatred, but not if Monica and the other angels have something to say about it.


"His name is Julian Luna." Tess told Monica "And he will be needing us soon."

"He seems so much in control." "

He will receive great blows, which will lead him to doubt himself and his purpose, and will lead him into great despair. He has already receive one such blow. He had to order someone he loved executed, to keep the law he is charged with enforcing. From this blows he may come to hate his life and himself."

Monica studied the man.

"There is something different about him."

"Yes. He is not human."

"He is..?"

"They call themselves Kindred. Humans call them vampires. We call them God's children. And Julian Luna needs us now."

"I know little about ...Kindred."

Tess nodded

"Their souls are as precious to us as the humans they feed on" she said. "Like humans, the evil or good they do come from their choices. Since they feed on the blood of humans, such as they once were, they have great responsibility. But that is not the whole of their lives. How they deal with each other is perhaps more important in their lives, at least it is in Julian Luna's. He has little reason to feel guilty for the blood he takes, but he suffers from great guilt over the blood he spilled or caused to spill."

"What does Julian Luna do?"

"He does no harm to those whose blood he takes. He does not weaken them, nor frighten them as he takes it. He makes them forget, leaving behind a vague feeling of well-being. And he repays them by using his position to make this a better city for them to live in, and by restraining those Kindred who would not be so careful,breaking the laws of their kind. He has little to feel ashamed there, and much to be proud."

"And yet.."

"His guilt comes from his actions in the wars between the clans of Kindred. He was the executioner for one clan until the butchery sickened him. He has achieved a position that allows him to enforce peace between the clans and keeps them from slaughtering each other. But his peace is fragile, rent by hatreds. Luna himself feels hatred for one of the clans, the Brujah, though he strives to be fair in his dealings with them. He has little peace within himself. And he does not know that his guilt is greater than he imagines, that he was lied to by the one he trusted most, and that he slaughtered the innocent. When he finds out it might destroy him unless you and I can reassure him that he is much worthy of being loved, and convince him of his own goodness. For he is a good man. And one who can do many good things if his guilt does not destroy him."

Monica nodded studying the man that faced them, unaware of their presence. She now sensed a secret sorrow that was already making inroads in him. until it might destroy him.

"He is grieving." She said.

"Her name was Alexandra. He loved her once and remained her friend afterwards. He was the one who made her Kindred, out of love. And he had to condemn her to death for breaking the laws of their kind. He would have saved her if he could, but the responsibility of his position pressed on him and he ordered her death."

"What had she done?"

"She loved a human man and from her this man learned about the existence of Kindred all around him. She broke the law of secrecy with him. She could have saved herself if she had made him Kindred or if she killed him. She could do neither. She sacrificed her life to save his. Julian was forced by her dying vow to protect and befriend her lover, and he does now, even though he blames him for her death. But he blames himself most. Her sacrifice was an act of love for this man, but he sees it as an act of self-hate, of hatred for the life Luna gave her. It was not. She never hated Luna nor the life she led, but if she had killed Frank Kohanek she would have truly come to hate herself. Luna must be able to understand this love, and must resist the temptation to self-hatred that is growing within him."

"And there are more trials in store for him?"

"His great-great-grandchild, Sasha. She is the last of his human family and he has taken her in. He loves her, and wants to keep her from coming in contact with the world of the Kindred. He has enough self-hatred to see this as contaminating her. Yet he has enemies that will use his love for her as a weapon. And then he will find out the great lie that he was told. We have to reach him before this last blow or he will be lost."

Monica looked at Luna again.

"I never dealt with Kindred before. I am not sure that I would know how to proceed."

"Child, did I not tell you that they are God's children too? Their souls listen to the same words and feel the same pain and temptation. Study him, learn what he needs, and then trust God to guide your steps."

The newspaper was a busy place and Monica had no difficulty blending in. Julian Luna had noticed her, as he noticed his workers, and had once spoken encouraging words about her work. But she was not close to him, and was not in his confidence. Mostly she watched and listened, making offhand comments sometimes that applied to his situation without being personal. She understood the struggle between the five different clans, and appreciated the constraints that Luna worked under. She helped with the United Fund drive and that brought her in closer contact with Luna. She saw how total his reserve was with all those who were not Kindred, and understood why it should be so. But she was present, unseen when one day, Luna voiced his hurt towards his Kindred offspring, Sonny.

"Do you hate me sometimes, for bringing you into this life?" he asked Sonny point blank.

"You asked the wrong one for that." Sonny said, laughing "I know what my life was, and what would have been if you had not been there. I do not regret it."

"But don't you worry sometimes that our life can be...wrong? That the Church might be right when it says that we are damned?"

"The Church that came out with the Inquisition? More than Kindred were slaughtered by them. The are hardly experts on ethical behavior. And let's not mention the slave trade that the Church condoned for a long time, and even profited from. My grandparents were slaves, and they told me what it was like to work under the lash to make some white man rich. I have seen enough evil and predation, both as human and Kindred, and what you and I do does not even begin to qualify."

"Not even the slaughter? The continual plotting among ourselves, the betrayals, and the harshness of our laws?"

"This is something you and I are trying to change. We did not create the hatred between the clans. Our laws are harsh, but we know how much worse the alternatives are. Kindred law is hard. Much harder is Kindred life without the Law."

"Yes, it is." He closed his eyes. "When I think of how hard it is for me, and what is demanded of me, I remember Manzanita, and how those men died. They were Brujah, but no one deserved to die as I killed them. There has been no such massacre under my rule, but there have been executions, too many, and not all of them deserved."

"It is Alexandra..."

"I loved her, or at least I told myself I did. I embraced her of her own free will, but what does that mean? Once she had found out about me the alternative was death. She chose to live. That was the extent of her willingness. And for all my words of love, I was back with Lillie after a few years. Alexandra let me go back to Lillie, because she was glad to see the last of me. She probably hated me. She must have hated the life I gave her, all these years. At the end she had the courage to throw it back to me. I wrecked her life, and then I took it."

"Alexandra never hated you."

"How can you know?'

"We talked often, she and I, and she always spoke of you with affection. She said that you carried a heavy burden and would allow no one to help you shoulder it. She despaired of being able to help you. And she said that you were hard to be close to. She left you because she could not stand to see you suffer and be unable to do anything about it."

Julian shook his head.

"In the end she hated me. That was why she chose to die. She hated me and the life I gave her."

"She did not."

"Do you hate me for what I did to you?"

"No, I do not. I never did."

"There are days when I hate Archon. I love him. I respect him. But I feel great anger against him"

"For embracing you? Or for making you his executioner?"

"For making me his executioner. No, he did not make me. I agreed to. I understood the need for it; I shared his hopes and dreams; I wanted to make them true, but any means necessary. But I did not know that the price would be so steep! I did not know that I would have to order a sentence of death against Alexandra! I did not know how it feels to kill someone yourself, and to do it again, and again, and again..."

"But not for making you Kindred."

"What difference does it make? To be Kindred is to be in constant war against other clans, to plot and be plotted against. To kill each other and be ready to have others try to kill you. This is the life I offered Alexandra. She must have hated it from the start..."

Sonny put his hand on Julian's shoulder. " Julian, you are my sire and my friend. I have known many, human and Kindred, and you are one of the noblest men I have known. You should not hate yourself. You cannot go on punishing yourself for actions that you repented, and for which you make amends every day. I wish I could help you. I wish you could see yourself as others see you. If Alexandra was here, she would tell you the same."

"Would she?"

"She would, I am sure."

Julian shook his head. "Maybe. And maybe she would not."

Archon was alone, reading next to the fireplace. There was uneasiness creeping on him, but he tried to hold it down. What was done was done, and could not be undone. If Julian found out certain things would he look upon his sire with hatred? Would he ever believe that Archon had loved him? What kind of love is it that puts a gun in your hand and sends you out to kill?

"Yet I love you, my son." he said to himself. "I never had children of my body, as you did. You are the best-loved of the children of my blood, for all the pain I gave you. I could not bear it if you hated me."

He turned to his book, trying to lose himself in the words written there, and to forget the anguish in his heart. Yet he anguish returned, and he set down the book again. And as he did he saw the black woman in front of him, and behind her a young blond man.

"You...?" He frowned at the intrusion. "How did you get here?"

"No doors are closed to us. And no heart is. Your heart is open, if you would only believe."

He began to protest, but he did not have the strength to do so. It was almost like a dream.

"I am an angel." said Tess. "So is Harry here."

"I am an angel of death." Harry said. "Do not fear me. I will come for you soon, for your time draws near."

"My time...you say that I will die soon?"

"Do not fear it."

"I have held death at a distance far longer than most people. Was that wrong?"

"You are not judged by the length of your life."

"Just by my deeds. And many are shameful."

"You are judged by the love in you heart, and there is much love in you." Tess said. "You have little to fear. But there is something you must do before your time comes. Do not delay it, for you may not have the time afterwards."

"What is this I must do?"

"You must comfort your son, Julian Luna. You must show him the love you have for him, and the love he inspires in others. He doubts himself and his own goodness. He may fall into the trap of self-hatred."

"Alas, I gave him reason for it. Too much reason. Maybe I deserve damnation for the harm I have done him. How could I love him and hurt him so much? Did I embrace him only because I wanted a hired gun? He is a better man than I ever was. Did I want to destroy him for it?"

"You embraced him out of love. You were at war, and that war twisted the love you had for him, but did not destroy it. Child, do not worry about yourself. Just think of a way to help your son, for his trials are yet to come."

Archon nodded. "Yes, I want to help him. But I am afraid. I do not know what words to use. And he may hate me...I do not want him to hate me."

"He will not hate you. He wants to feel your love as much as you want to feel his. He is your child, who needs to know that his father loves him. He will forgive you any hurt you gave him if only he can be sure of your love."

"Yes...to be sure of my love. I have to do it. I must. I owe it to him. How can I love him and leave him alone to suffer? You are right."

Archon closed his eyes for a minute, thinking of Julian, and what he would have to say to him. Then he opened his eyes again.

"You said that you are angels?"

"Yes." "Did God send you to me?"

"Yes."

"Even though I am...Kindred?" he asked with awe.

"I always said that we are not damned unless we choose to be, that we are as capable of salvation as the humans we must feed upon. Is that true? Is that really true?"

"It is true. You were right to say it, and to give hope to your fellow Kindred. God loves you as much as his human children."

"Even when we feed? I do no harm when I do it, and I help it enforce it from others. Is that enough? It is still stealing..."

"God does not close His eyes when you feed. And his love knows no boundaries. He knows that you do your best, and does not ask more than what you can do."

He stared at them silently for a few moments. Yes, it made sense, yes, he was not afraid.

"Will you help me do this thing? I cannot do it by myself. I want to find the right words that will heal the wound inside him."

Julian gathered his papers and put them away. He had taken care of the important business of the day.

He worried about Eddie and the Brujah, but felt that the situation was under control. No, he had no reason to linger over work which was basically finished. No reason, except that it kept him busy, and when he was busy he did not think about Alexandra. Nor about Sasha and her closeness with Cash. He had denied Cash permission to embrace her, but Cash would insist.

And Sasha might, too. Shouldn't Sasha have the chance for a human life? Didn't she have a right to have children of her body, to carry out her line? He had had that. Why should Sasha be denied? Sasha had seen the glamor of his life, not the struggles and the pain. Could anyone so young and inexperienced truly choose to be embraced? It was a defilement. To be drawn into a dark world of murder and betrayal, of incessant plotting, ready to explode in brutal violence. No one deserved to have their innocence tainted by his dark world. That was one of the reasons why he had been more and more reluctant to feed. He knew that unless there was an actual embrace his world did not touch the humans whose blood he took. But each time he pressed his lips to the wound that he had made he felt as if the darkness within him would leap out and pour into the bloodstream that he had opened. Could anyone handle the Manzanita dead? Did he have the right to inflict his pain about Alexandra on another? Could he blight their lives that way?

"I am sorry if I disturb you." Monica came in. "You said that you'd talk to me later today."

"Yes. I did." He was glad for the interruption. Monica was cheerful and pleasant to be around. With her in the room he did not have to think about those things that ate at him.

"You came to give me a report about the United Way campaign."

"Yes. I have all the information here." Monica was so young, so cheerful. Her presence soothed him. And he could hear her heart beating. He had to feed. He had not done so for how long? He knew how dangerous it could get if he waited too long. He could take it from Monica. She would barely miss it. Except that his darkness might touch her. It would kill her laughter. It would dull her bright eyes. She would see with his eyes, she would learn of his shame, she would share his pain.

Monica chattered on, showing the drive progress, while watching him. There was a struggle going on inside him. He wanted to protect her. He was wrong. The hurt that ate at him would not contaminate others, but sharing it might soothe him. He closed himself from contact, and she recognized how fast the seeds of self-hatred had grown. She hesitated. Did she identify herself as an angel? Did she cut her own arm and let him have her blood, reassuring him that it was all right? Was this the right time?

Before she could make the decision Archon came in.

"Am I disturbing anything?" he asked.

"No. I was about finished. I'll see you tomorrow." Julian saw her leave with relief. She was safe now.

He turned to his sire. "What happened?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing serious. I just had to see you."

"Why?"

"That girl. I saw how hungry you look. Yet you did not feed."

"Is that what you came here for?"

"You are not feeding properly. You are going hungry for longer and longer stretches of time."

"You told me that I had to learn how to do without."

"Yes. I did. But I also told you of the dangers. Go hungry for too long and you will hurt, and might even kill, the human you take it from. You would break your own laws. A Prince can be executed as easily as any other Kindred. And you know that Daedalus would do it, even though he would hate it. His heart would mourn, and he would make it quick so that you would feel no pain. But that would be all that he could do for you."

Julian shook his head. "You know that even if I was desperate I would not take enough to kill her."

"Don't pull that one on me. You know what happens you are desperate. You make a cut that is too deep, or you tear the flesh, or just cut open an artery. You then end up with a wound that will not close, and uncontrolled bleeding that puts your source into the hospital, and even the morgue. And then you have questions, and prying, and Daedalus will come to pay you a visit."

"It will not happen that way."

"Why do you court death? Do you hate yourself that much? Do you hate me?

"I do not hate you."

"But you hate the life I gave you. You are throwing it in my face. Spitting it out with the contempt you feel for me."

"I do not feel contempt. You are...you are my sire, my closest friend."

"I am the one who gave you a gun, the one who taught you how to kill."

"It was my decision, Archon. You and I share a dream. We did what we thought was needed to make it a reality. We made mistakes you and I, but we were not wrong to dream."

"But why punish yourself and me for it now? Because that is what you are doing? You are closing yourself from all. I can feel you draw apart from me. And you refuse to feed."

"It seems wrong to feed."

"I taught you that it was not wrong, not the way we do it. We have done many wrong things, you and I. But not from feeding. All our guilts come from the wars between our kind, and you put a stop to that. I do not know what else you could do. Neither you nor I started the wars. They were there, and we did the best we could. No one can ask more of you than your best."

"I know that."

"Then why don't you feed? Why have this girl here, looking at her with longing, and not move in? Why do you let your hunger rise and do nothing about it until it goes out of control? Do you realize that the next time she comes into your office she may be in grave danger, because you will lose control when you make your wound? Do you want to kill her?"

"I don't."

"Then take it from me now." Archon pulled back his sleeve, cutting his forearm with his fingernail. "Feed now, that's an order. For all that you are Prince of the City, I can still order you as your sire. Take my blood and calm your hunger."

Julian looked away.

"So that is it." Archon said. "You cannot bear to look at it."

Archon's heart shrank. Nothing looks more like blood than blood. And when Julian was in one of his dark moods, any blood he saw reminded him of blood-splattered walls, body parts strewn on the ground, and the dead eyes of those he had executed on Archon's orders.

"It is an order, Julian. Close your eyes, if you must, but you will drink from me here and now."

Julian obeyed. With eyes closed he came towards Archon, bent over the wound and pressed his lips to it.

"Yes, drink, my son. My dearest son." Archon cradled Julian's head, as tears began to form in his eyes. "I love you so much. I could not stand to lose you. I could not bear it if you hated me. I hurt you so much, and you did not deserve it. I cannot make it up to you, not the pain I gave you. But I love you. Can you believe that I love you?"

Julian tried to lift his head, but Archon kept it down, pressed to the wound.

"No, don't say anything, just listen. I know the pain you are going through. I know that you mourn for Alexandra. She was your daughter, and there is no pain to compare to that of a parent who has lost a child. You had to order her execution, and you know how cruel and unfair that was. I do not know how you can bear it, but you do. I can only tell you that I love you, and that I wish I could take your hurt away. But one thing I know. Alexandra loved you too. She could not bear the burden of killing her human lover, and she chose death, but she loved you. I knew her, and I loved her too. She knew how much love you had given her, and she knew what heavy burdens you carry. If she hated anything at the end, it was adding one more burden to you."

He stopped for a few moments, and then continued.

"I know what you think, I know that you are beginning to hate the world of the Kindred and what it demands of us. You see it as a cruel world, full of violence and betrayal. But it need not be that way. We have known war and what it does to all of us, you and I. We have suffered from it, and continue to suffer. But that is not because we are Kindred, but because of what is human in us. Humans have known war, too much of it, themselves. The human world in San Francisco today is more peaceful than the Kindred world, but that has not always true. Do you remember in the war years how many chose to be embraced, because it gave them the only chance to live? There are evil deeds in our history, some exceedingly dark. But we have yet to be guilty of genocide. Ask Daedalus about his Tasmanian executioners. He will tell you that the reason they are so implacable is because they hate anyone with white skin. Like the English sailors that systematically exterminated their people at the end of the last century. The Nosferatu gave refuge to the last survivors of a human genocide. This is also part of what we are...I hurt you. I drafted you in my war, and made a killer out of you. You were meant for much better than a hired gun, but I needed a hired gun. I always knew that there was something special about you, something much finer than the use I made of you. I always knew that you were a better man than I ever was. You are a good man, Julian, you don't know how good you are, and yet you tell yourself that you are evil, you see yourself as tainted, and blame yourself for what you cannot prevent nor change. You know that when you take blood you do not pass on anything of yourself, unless you choose to embrace. But even if you did pass something of yourself, there are plenty of humans that could use what you would give them. You would give them courage, and compassion, and determination, and intelligence, and they would be better off for it."

Julian lifted his head. "Do you really believe it?"

"I know it. You deserve to be loved, and you are loved. Look around you and see how much love is here for you."

Julian nodded, but Archon could see that he did not truly believe it. Had he said the right thing? Or had he just rambled on? Had Julian truly listened? Had he believed it? He wished that he could say more, but he would be repeating himself, rambling on and on, until Julian stopped paying attention.

He squeezed his shoulder and said "I love you, my son."

Then he left the room, doubt eating at him as to whether it was enough.

Monica was waiting for him. "Sir, I think you need this." she extended a bleeding arm to him.

"I am a friend of Tess." she explained.

"A friend of Tess...you are an angel too?" He came closer to her.

"Yes." "Are you watching over Julian?"

"Yes. You doubt that what you said made a difference. It did. You showed him your love."

"It might not be enough, not the way he is feeling."

"That's why I am here. God did not expect you to do it all yourself. You did your best, and now I will take over. Just trust me, and trust God."

"And you are offering me your blood?"

"It is freely given."

Archon bent over her arm wondering if was truly going to taste angel's blood. As his lips touched it, he felt a warm surge within him. He knew peace, he knew love, he knew forgiveness. He knew that Julian, for all the anger he felt towards his sire, loved him. He knew that all his life he had done his best, that he had fought the good fight, and that was how he would be judged. He lifted his head slowly.

"Will you do this for Julian, too?"

"When he is ready to accept it."

Pain raged in Julian's scream. Sasha was Brujah. He had lost her, would never get her back. The last of his line had been turned against him. His hands clenched, as if he held in them the throat of the Brujah who had stolen Sasha from him. He would take brutal revenge. Eddie and his clan would pain for what they did to him...

And after he had taken his revenge, Sasha would still be lost. He had lost her. That was all that mattered. The last one of his human children would be his enemy because of the Brujah blood in her.

"God damn you, Eddie Fiori! I will make you pay! I will make you beg for mercy, and you will receive none! I tried to be fair to you, but it is wasted on the likes of you!" I should have wiped your lousy clan long ago!"

There were empty threats. No matter how much he hated the Brujah, he would not exterminate them. What had Archon said, that for all of the dark deeds of their history, Kindred had yet to commit genocide? He would not be the one to start. But he wanted Eddie Fiori to hurt as much as he was hurting. He wanted him to understand what he had done, what a hateful thing he had done, what a worthless scum he was for having done it. He stifled the sobs in his throat. The Kindred world had taken all that he loved from him. And given him what in return? Power? A gun?

"I have nothing now", he said, sinking his head in his hands, unwilling to go on.

Archon raced down the stairs. Julian needed him. He had lost Sasha to the Brujah, and God only knew what that would do to him. He felt Julian anger and despair, and ached to comfort him.

Harry stopped him at the foot of the stairs.

"Is it my time now?"

"No, but you must not go to Julian yet. Monica will be with him. He must be alone with her. Later you will come in."

"I do not understand. Why can't I go to Julian?"

"Because this is between him and God."

Frank Kohanek was losing patience. This lady who wanted answers would not be turned away, just as he wanted to go meet Luna and ask his opinion on this case which may have something to do with vampires. And make a few nasty digs at him, too. But the lady would not be moved. She insisted in badgering him.

"Lady, wouldn't you rather talk to a staff sergeant?"

"No, I must talk with you." Tess said.

"Why me?"

"Because I do not want you to meet Julian Luna today. They way he is feeling now, he does not need to hear what you have to say.

" "Why not? And how do you know of him?"

"Because I am an angel, child. And because you are taking pleasure in hurting someone who wishes to be your friend." "You are...you must be crazy."

"You believe in vampires, why not in angels?"

"Even if you were an angel, why would you care about a vampire?"

"Because God cares about them, and loves them."

"It is impossible. They are...they are not human."

"They are God's children. And I will not allow you today to go hurt Julian with your words when he is already in great pain." She crossed her arms. "You must not hurt him. He does not deserve the pain you want to give him."

"You do not know what he has done."

"I know. And I know his heart, as I know yours. You are getting lost in hatred, and that can destroy you. Try to look at him without hatred. Judge his actions, and ask yourself what they tell you about the man. If you do, you will see that you cannot hate him anymore."

"He is...what he is."

"Yes. One of God's children. Same as you.

" "God, I do not know if you care about me, but if you can help me, please do so!" Julian muttered.

The door opened and Monica came in. Julian did not lift his head, nor acknowledge her presence. His pain was a physical presence, a fog that Monica had to cut through to get to Julian. The waves of pain hit her again and again as she approached him. She stood next to him. "

Julian Luna, do not despair." she said.

"I have lost all that I care for."

"You have not lost Sasha, unless you choose to turn your back to her. And you have so much that you only need to extend your hands to receive."

He shook his head..

"Trust me, Julian Luna. You need to accept all that you have been given. You need to know how much love is here for you.

" Julian lifted his head, and saw the slowly flowing blood in Monica' forearm.

He shook his head. He did not care if he ever fed again.

"It is freely given, Julian. Take it."

Somehow he remembered that Monica was supposed to be human, and unaware of what he was.

"How did you know?" He asked.

"I am an angel." Monica said gently. "God sent me to you."

"God?" What would God care about me, or those like me? We are Kindred."

"God loves His Kindred children too."

"He can't."

"Are you telling God what he can or cannot do?" Monica said with a hint of amusement.

"But the things that I have done. The violence, the killings...how can God forgive that? How can He love a killer like me?"

"He loves you, and a killer is not all that you are."

"What else is there? What does God see when He looks at me?"

"God sees someone who has great love in his heart, and who has deserve great love. Someone who struggled with the evil that engulfed him, and who managed to turn it to good. Someone who has done great good, and continues to do so. Someone who does what is right, and leads other into righteousness. Someone with great compassion and courage."

Julian shook his head, unwilling to believe.

"Take my blood, Julian. It is freely given. Do not be afraid to take it. There is great love for you, if you only choose to receive it."

He tried to deny her but put her arm in front of his face and touched it to his lips.

"Yes, we know that you refuse to feed when guilt eats at you. Guilt is good when it leads you to change your ways, but you have already done so. This guilt you feel now will only destroy you if you allow it power over you. Reject it. Accept the love and forgiveness given to you. Know how much you are loved. Open your eyes, seeing my blood will not hurt you."

Fire ran through him from his lips to his heart. There was no pain, just an all-engulfing warmth

. "I love you, Julian." He heard.

He opened his eyes again. He was back in his garden, and he saw Alexandra again, as he had seen him that last time before he ordered her execution. But now she smiled radiantly at him.

"I love you, Julian" she said.

"Whatever happened between us, do not doubt that."

"I am sorry." he said to her.

"Do not be." She rose from her seat and walked towards him. "Take my love. In your darkest hours it will comfort you."

Other faces came to him. Women he had loved through the years, those he had embraced and those he had not. They all smiled as they poured love to him. Then there were others. He felt the love that both humans and Kindred gave to him. He felt Cash's affection and Daedalus'. He felt Lillie's. And, at the center, he found Archon's love, cutting him like a sharp sword. He shuddered. He blinked and he was back in his office, with Monica bending over him. while the love continued to pour into him.

"Have you seen?" Monica asked.

"I have. I...I am loved. I am worthy of being loved. Is it true what you showed me?"

"It is all true."

"You can go see Julian now." Harry told Archon.

"Your presence will now comfort him."

"Can I tell him what really happened in Manzanita?"

"You cannot. This is a truth that he can only hear when he has the strength to bear it. He will learn it, and that may be his greatest crisis. He must be strong so that when the time comes he will know how to deal with it."

"Can he ever forgive for that lie, and what came of it?

"Julian wants your love, and has love and forgiveness to give you."

Archon raced out. Everything would be all right now. Julian would be all right.

He found Julian sitting on an armchair, his eyes closed and his head thrown back. There was a smear of blood on his mouth, and that touched him. Julian was always fastidious, specially after feeding. That he had not cared to wipe his mouth this time showed how shaken he was. Monica was still with him, speaking softly to him, reassuring him of his own goodness and of the love that was all around him. It hurt him to see Julian like this. So that was what his embrace had brought Julian to. Monica lifted her head, looked at him smiling and shook her head. No guilt, not for him either. He had to be there for Julian, that was all. He put his arms around Julian and held him. Julian hugged him back.

"You don't have much more time together, you and him." Monica said softly. "Make each day count. Don't let the guilt you feel destroy the joy of these days you have, for Julian will need these memories of joy when he has to carry on alone."

Archon nodded. He understood, and would do as Monica said.

Monica smiled at the two of them, then nodded and left. They would manage now on their own.

Epilogue

"Garth is dead." Julian told Archon. "I told Camilla that she is welcome to stay in the city if she chooses."

"Good." Archon did not hide his concern. "You were almost killed, weren't you?"

"Yes. I offered to trade my life for the baby's. I actually put my neck out to be cut."

"Julian..."

"I had to. I needed to know if I was willing to die for what I believed in. I know that I was willing to kill for it. I finally understood Alexandra. She died for what she believed in. She did not hate our life. She loved it, but she was willing to give it up for something greater than herself. She thought that we could love humans without lying nor evasions. She regretted what she was about to lose, but gave it up when she had to. So it was with me. When I laid down my neck so that Garth could cut it off I felt aa she felt. I thought of never seeing you nor my friends again, I though of Caitlin, I though of all the things that I have enjoyed. They were good things, and I did not want to give them up. But I was willing to pay that price, as Alexandra had been. She never hated me. I felt her love in those moments when Garth decided whether or not to cut my head off right there or take my challenge and fight me to the death."

"You took a terrible chance."

"Yes, I did. But it was worth it. I had to know about myself. You and I, Archon, we paid a terrible price in the war. But we fought on the right side. It mattered that we won, it made a difference for all of us, even the Brujah. We were willing to kill, maybe too willing. We were also willing to die. Each time you sent me off on a mission, did you not worry that I might not come back?"

"All the time. I tried not to think about it, tried to tell me that you would be back."

"I knew that every mission I took could be my last. But I did it because I believed in our dream. We worked hard, you and I to get where we are today. We no longer slaughter one another. Now we can learn to love one another."

"Even the Brujah?"

"Yes. Even them. There is a reason for what happened to Sasha, and I think that it is this. Through her I have to learn to let go of the hatred I still feel for the Brujah clan."

"Do not lower your guard with them."

"Do not worry, I won't. I will enforce the law with them and watch out for their plots. But I will not forget that our struggle must end in friendship. Hatred has been our curse. We have learned to respect human life, out of the needs of the Masquerade. Perhaps I can teach all of us to respect Kindred life. And I want you to be there with me when it happens."

"It will take time, longer than you may think. Maybe neither of us will be there to see it happen. But you can count on my support for as long as I can give it."

"That is all I ask." Julian hugged his sire. Overlooking them from a window Tess, Monica, and Harry smiled.

"Julian will be all right." Tess said. "You did well, child."

"Will he need me here when Harry comes for Archon?"

"No, he is all right now. He can face the truth, for he has learned not to fear it. And he now trusts himself."

Archon lifted his head and saw them. He smiled quickly, saluting them.

They laughed, a happy sound that only Archon heard as a white dove flew by.


End file.
